So there is a reason that this backblast is 3 days late… A good dose of poison made me forget to do this. It all started with my one year F3 anniversary Q at PHOP. It’s where I started all those glooms ago, and where I was able to celebrate one year later the pain and suffering throughout that time.
In honor of PHOP a full gear workout was planned. Plenty of pain stations in a circuit and some exercises from the W-Z section of the F3 dictionary made up the set. Everything went great until the last five minutes. You see, we all know to be wary while busting sweat in the grassy knolls because therein lurks a silent predator of stationary men. These little minions can make a grown man dance like a 6 year old girl and scream like a 63 year old woman who finally won Publisher’s Clearing House. The rest of the world calls them fire ants. PAX call them dirty words that result in waves of bomb jacks.
The thing is though, everyone anticipates a surprise attack from fire ants in the grass. No one expected them in the parking lot. No one expected the Viet Cong to pop up from little holes in the ground either. So as we lay across various cracks in the parking lot doing some exciting ab work, the little bastards sounded the attack. At first we thought the pain was merely the result of the set for that morning, but then the usual sort of pain began to burn like Schrute when he’s been on the beach for an hour. The burning pain finally registered in our brains as the furious munching of little fire ant teeth on our skin. I, of course, hopped up and with ninja-like skills flicked off the enemy one at a time. Bill Nye performed the above mentioned dancing and screaming act while simultaneously ripping off his clothing. He was there one second, then gone the next. Only a shirt, a shoe, and a knee brace were left behind. Poor Bill Nye. We’re going to cast his knee brace in bronze and use it for a future award. We’ll miss him.
Besides that the workout was all that it should be: painful, terrible, and in perfectly Octoberish 75 degree 90% humidity weather. Here’s to another year!
Warm up: (I don’t remember now how many of these we did)
SSH – the first F3 exercise I ever did
Zebra butt kicks
Worst Merkins Ever
Pain Stations: Partner up
1) Wonderbra – with Cindy
2) Tire Slams
3) Chain drag
4) Tire flips up hill
5) Bent Over Rows – with Cindy
6) Tricep Extensions – with Cindy
8) Zig Zag Hops
9) The Lion King (Simba is a heavy little guy)
10) Bear Blocks – with Cindy
11) Lunges – with Cindy
12) Battle Ropes
Each PAX did 12 reps (for my 12 months) on each station while his partner did merkins (or a lot of other modified exercises). Then they switched. We finished early so everyone went back and did a few more of their favorites. A quick mosey and then another round of Zebra Butt Kickers, Windshield Wipers, FIRE ANT ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and Worst Merkins Ever finished up the morning.